I'll Sing Every Day For As Long As I'm Free

Song for the New Year

Open the morning with naught but a breath;
There's a sharp, bright time that divides you from death
And life will forever keep coming in waves—
Sing a thousand love songs, dig a thousand graves.

Sing for love lost and not yet begun;
Live now and tomorrow for lives yet unsung.
There's no shame in comfort that each of us craves—
Sing a thousand love songs, dig a thousand graves.

Dig for your fallen far into the ground;
Leave tribute for ghosts that may never be found.
Mourn for all those who were not yours to save—
Sing a thousand love songs, dig a thousand graves.

Fear not the fall, but cherish the flight;
The day's filled with sun—leave the darkness for night.
In days that come easy and days that you brave:
Sing a thousand love songs, dig a thousand graves.

January 1, 2018, lightly edited 2019

Rye

Before the rye, they held him fast:
The runaway brought home at last.
He'd waited out his time with dread;
They stole him back to whence he fled.
Said they, "We know we're in the right
To break you for your foolish flight.
No length of time can make you free;
Example must be made of thee."
They were the law; they took his eyes,
Ignoring all his anguished cries,
And brought a blade down on each wrist—
The man once-free ceased to exist.

They could not force the dead to stay;
A different person walked away.

January 2, 2018

Godling

Plant here each of your regrets
Amaranth and asphodel
Now, before the last sun sets
Mark the stones where your love fell

Give the seeds no time to grow
Amaranth and asphodel
You'll unmake the world you know
Leave the stones where your love fell

Sit your vigil where he bled
Amaranth and asphodel
Wish that you had died instead
On the stones where your love fell

January 3, 2018

Noise

A vague thought names all sound a curse—
But somehow I find silence worse.
I mumble poems, songs, 'good night's
For my own ear, and flick the lights.

January 4, 2018

Kestrel

Ghost of war, no weapons bear
Save your fists and steady glare
Seek not to fight the sky above
It will not bring back your love
You must know your plan is flawed
O fool who tries to kill a god

January 5, 2018

I Am Not The Killer Here

I am not the killer here
No knife brought high by rage or fear
No trigger tangled in my grip
It is not I who chose to slip

Nor I who chose to fight or run
But now our flight is nearly done
Oh, now our deaths are drawing near
But I am not the killer here

January 7, 2018

The Bell

Twice five secrets long are hidden
One and two and three and four
Still their access is forbidden
Locked behind an iron door

Its iron key encased in stone
Under water miles deep
Is tangled between overgrown
Great beasts stirring in their sleep

Dust gathers on the cold and still
Treasures of unspoken worth
Waiting for the seeker who will
Sound the bell to break the earth

January 8, 2018

Shadow

A Shadow there stood, and a Shadow I was
And the shade that I cast was truer than true
It led me through halls and I followed because
There, it had to know more than I knew
I followed my Shadow as far as it led
Through room after room until its stride broke
I as the Shadow sat there on the bed
and saw myself see me as I awoke

I was the Shadow, the Shadow was there
And the ribbons around me were clear and laid bare.

January 10, 2018

If Happy I Was

If happy I was, then happy I am
And happy I swear I'll continue to be
So tell all who wish they could tame me to scram
I'll sing every day for as long as I'm free

January 11, 2018

Through the Leaves

The forest grows deeper the farther you go
The day will give way to dark and to snow
Until trees come together too close to pass through
And light through the leaves looks like stars that you knew

January 12, 2018

Fool I Was

I was not new and am not new
And what I loved was never true
And what I loved was never real
Oh, fool I was to choose to feel

January 13, 2018

Lost Lamenting

In solitude, the city grieves
Everyone is lost, lamenting
Those who were in death made thieves

They stand in petals, curse the name of
Those who left them torn, tormenting
Second-guessing claims of love

Footsteps match in time, then stop
Choose now not to run, repenting
Sins as to their knees they drop

Everyone is lost: lament!
Those who left them torn, torment
Choose now not to run: repent

January 15, 2018

Spin

I've held secrets for both the living and dead
I've seen broken unbroken; the dreaming ones, wake
I've taken risks I had no right to take
The world is the same through lenses of dread
The world spins itself solid inside my head

January 17, 2018

Oh Sit With Me Here

Oh sit with me here and watch clouds passing by
If I were a bird I would sing in the sky
If I were a fish I would long for the shore
How could I as I am ask for anything more?
For I am unrooted; the world is so wide
And I as I am cannot stay at your side
You give me no reason, I promise, to grieve
But if I were your love, I never would leave

January 18, 2018

Death is a song

Death is a song that plays in your head
It doesn't get louder, or softer, or stop
It's the same for those below and on top
It stays with you eating or sleeping in bed
And someday you, too, will march with the dead

January 29, 2018

The Truth I Would Tell

If your ears were open the truth I would tell
Of the love that you gave, the place where you dwell
The choked frozen anger your voices bid rise
The fear I tried hiding, the look in my eyes
Your selfish response to my last-ditch self-theft
But the truth will not reach you, and that's why I left.

January 20, 2018

Prayer of the Prisoner in Angband

if there is fight left in me, let it die
if i wish to raise my head, take the will
and my words; let my protests never leave my throat
let me be compliant and small
and passed over; give me strength not to cling to life
leave no hope to me; there is joy here in oblivion
no pride in survival; let no one await my return
and let me not fear the one mercy left

January 22, 2018

Freed by circumstance or age

Freed by circumstance or age,
The bird will choose another cage.
It finds the open sky too wide;
It clings to someone else's side
And trusts they'll keep it close and well—
But gold makes just as tight a cell.
The bird knows not its lover's plans;
Around its neck close savior's hands.

January 25, 2018

The bird is told to stay at home

The bird is told to stay at home;
Only reckless cowards roam.
It is unwise to disobey—
You would be someone else's prey
And little birds who seek the sky
Will be alone whene'er they fly.
So bird, do not protection spurn
Or you'll repent too late to learn—
So the foxes tell it sweetly
And devour it completely.

January 26, 2018

Tired

Sleep when I'm tired, I said
but I didn't consider just how tired I would be
having run so far and gained so much
and lost perhaps more. I walk vaguely through my life
and back to bed, and back to bed, and back to bed.

January 28, 2018

The fox-raised bird fears being caught

The fox-raised bird fears being caught;
It fills its every idle thought.
It fears the hungry fox's touch—
And yet it wants it just as much
For it cannot stay free forever.
One day it will be caught; however
It finds there's more than just disgust
If done by someone it can trust.
It falls beneath its lover's paw;
Around its wings a closing jaw
Is full of comfort more than fear.
There's safety with its lover near.

Perhaps the bird's fear will be stopped
Once the other shoe is dropped.

January 29, 2019

Am I a ghost, then?

Am I a ghost, then? cold to touch
No blood and bone for you to clutch
And I can shed no tears
But you can weep though I cannot
And you can move on from this spot
While I must wait for years
Until I'm swallowed by some light
Or some new person's smile bright
Reminds this shade of you

January 30, 2018

acceleration

I model the world with movement; the shape of things is clear but not in words.
I can talk about position, or speed, but what I see is acceleration
the movement of the movement, the world zoomed out
and I know with certainty where I am
and where I am going. I know how I am moving.
the line moves up, and up, and slowly, but it moves at all
and will keep moving.

January 31, 2018